SOCIAL MEDIA

February 2, 2021

The (not so) Long & Winding Road of Parenthood



Hello friends! How are you? I have thought to sit down and write a more personal post so often - yet it feels daunting. I miss the days when bloggers shared more of themselves. But I also understand why they sometimes choose not to, myself included. Many of my everyday stories involve my children and so, inherently, many of my stories aren't entirely mine to tell. I try to always be mindful of that. But, we also need connection these days, now more than ever it seems. I'm still striving to find that balance.

Life this past year has been challenging and unique and ever changing. Collectively, all of us have seen such significant changes in our daily lives and how we all deal with it is so individualized. I have a son who is flourishing with virtual learning and finds it very efficient. In fact, he hopes to have the ability to work from home in the future and has chosen a career path that is suited to that. And I also have a son who struggles in school and this pandemic has proven to be so difficult in regards to his education. I hold on tight to the hope that he will be okay in spite of it all.

And I also have a son who is a soldier-in-training. When our oldest graduated from college last May, our  assumed plan was for him to begin his career and possibly begin grad school. We discussed many options at great length. But his plan, unbeknownst to us, was to join the Army National Guard. Let me back up - it wasn't a complete surprise. When he was in high school, we discussed the idea of ROTC with his guidance counselor. We even visited a military college in Vermont that he briefly considered. But he ultimately went in a different direction. Several times throughout his college years - when he became confused about his exact path and switched schools, he threw out the idea of joining the military. To which my husband and I responded, repeatedly, please finish your degree first. You will never ever regret having earned your college degree!, we said. And so he took our advice. He finished his degree. He even graduated with honors. But you already know where this is headed, right? And THEN he joined the military! 


And so, this has been weighing heavily on my heart ever since. He left for basic training a couple of weeks ago, just as all the terrible news was coming out of Washington DC. It's been a tough month. I knew it would be and, in some ways, the anticipation of him leaving was worse than his actual leaving. I guess you could say it was a very long goodbye as he trained and prepared himself both mentally and physically for months. 

Saying goodbye to Dax

I know my #1 job is to stay strong for him. That's what Army moms do and so I am taking my new role seriously. I have researched everything I can about his training and stalk Facebook daily for a glimpse of my boy (the basic training companies post pictures of the trainees there). We are still awaiting our first letter from him. As many of you know, we are a law enforcement family but the military is all new to us. Both my and Billy's fathers were drafted when they were young men but then military service skipped a generation in our family. To say I have always been proud of him would be an understatement.  He has served our community on our fire department since he was a young teen and then went on to also serve our state in forest fire service. So serving our nation is a logical next step and one I probably should have seen coming. The pride I feel to get to be his mom is immense.



I also miss him terribly. He's been away from our family at various times, for college and otherwise, but we were always able to keep in touch the whole time. He has such a strong personality and presence in all of our lives. He makes time to connect with each of us daily and not having that leaves a void we all feel. I keep thinking, how lucky am I to have a son that I miss this much? He'll be back soon enough and I can't even imagine how many stories he will have to tell us. I can't wait to hear all about it!


I was listening to a thought provoking podcast the other day - Kelly Corrigan Wonders (I am such a fan of every single thing Kelly does and I highly recommend her books and now her podcast) and she was discussing parenting and she said that our kids should come with a one page instruction manual like the ones they include at Ikea and it should only say - let this put itself together.

So, if any of you are military families with advice, this newbie is all ears. I think it will be helpful to have you all along this journey with me.

I finally set up a desk area in our bedroom. It's not really a proper desk but an old console table that is in desperate need of a coat of paint. Our house has been full of so many of us for close to a year now and I finally realized that the only spot I could go to really think and write anytime soon was our room. I've never been keen to the idea of putting a desk in the same space where we rest, but desperate times call for desperate measures and now I wonder why I didn't put a desk up here long ago!  

Finally, I've been catching up on some reading. Wintering by Katherine May was a great read for this season. Billy gave me Maggie Smith's Keep Moving for Christmas and I am trying to savor just one poem a day, along with Mary Oliver's Dream Works
Have you read anything great lately? Thanks so much for stopping by today and allowing me to share another piece of my story with you.

24 comments :

  1. Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan is a book I return to when I need advice. I always find some take-away that speaks to me. I just finished Olive, Again by Elizabeth Strout It was as good as its prequel - Olive Kitteridge. I have two grown sons in their mid 30s. One is seriously contemplating a cross country move. I'm trying not to think about it. Especially since my 18 monyh old grandson will be going too!😐

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    1. Oh, I love Olive too! The books and then the mini-series. We are kindred spirits for sure. And yes, Tell Me More is like a guide for a deeper, more connected life. I hope he decides not to move, Barbara. But if he does, you will surely find a way to support him and stay connected. That's what truly matters.

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  2. Sweet post - every word. Shows your beautiful mama heart which we've seen glimpses of all along. Parenting is not easy - such a mix of bursting full heart and about to break heart and then back again. Definitely the thing that gives us grey hair LOL

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. And I actually thought I spotted a few grey hairs when I was driving home just now - so your comment was very timely! lol

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  3. Sweet mama! It is so hard to let them go when we love them so much. My youngest daughter married a young man who has chosen the military as a career. It is not an easy life and deployments are rough! But I have watched her mature and become so very wise as she has had to trust God for his safety and her care. Stay prayerful and supportive and know that God will hold him close. You may be blessed to read Psalm 91 by Peggy Joyce Ruth. Thank you for raising a son who is willing to serve. We need him! God bless you!

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    1. Thank you so much, Kendra! Not sure exactly where he will land, but I know he will make a difference in this world. I found lots of comfort in your words today.

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  4. I'm not a military mom, but my almost 32 year old son (only child) is in law enforcement. He is a game warden in a western state. We live in Tennessee. He loves his work and has no plans to move back to Tennessee. It crushes me every time he says no when I ask him to move back. His wife is native to the state they live in. To make matters more difficult, our first grandchild is due in June. I know my circumstances don't compare to yours, but I miss my son terribly. I'm not sure he'll ever understand. But I wanted him to live his life and spread his wings. I just didn't know it would be across the country.

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    1. Oh, I know that must be so difficult. Especially with the first grandchild on the way. Sending hugs and hoping you find a way to be connected to them -even from far away.

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  5. My dad was an officer in the Navy and so I grew up traveling the world. I then married a man who also made a career of the Navy and again we traveled. There will be a different sense of "family" for your son and his future family. He will carry the added weight of protecting that family.

    With everything our country is heading into, may I say how blessed we all are to know that you and your husband have raised a man that loves and respects this country and the freedoms that can only be afforded here. I will be praying for his protection and for success in all his missions.

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  6. I come from a family of seven Marines (my brothers and cousins). It's not easy for them and it wasn't easy for us, but they all grew to be men who can be proud of their service, and we are proud of them. Best wishes to your family.

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  7. Mothering, boy, do we all have stories, and my heart just swelled up and overflowed reading your post. I became a follower of yours after seeing your kitchen. It became the room I wanted to live in. I always look so deeply at your posts, zooming in on the intricate details of your rooms and the even looking beyond at the view outside your window. But today, your tender heart was the thing I zoomed in on. I am coming full circle, currently, on this mothering thing. Today, my own mother needs me. I have temporarily left my own home, to live again in the room I grew up in, to care for her. All of her younger voices seem to echo again, here in my childhood home. All of the ways she mothered me, return, and I cannot help but to grieve at the loss of those days. The long and winding road, has led me here, to the place where I began. And for a time, my own children, though grown, have less of me to lean on and I wonder if the foundation I gave them is sturdy enough to withstand my absence. I miss them. Miss the quick and easy access I had to them just a month ago. But I trust in the God who created them, to be their All in All. God help us. Mothers are the most vulnerable people alive, wearing their open hearts on their sleeve, and loving without reserve, through all the seasons of this God-given life. I love you for your openness, your straighforward sharing, and your willingness to welcome us into your pretty home and mostly, into your gracious, sincere, and humble heart. You're a keeper, dear one. May the long and winding road keep close, those that you dearly love, no matter the distance.

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    1. Thank you, Anonymous. You have brought me to tears but my heart swells to be seen and understood and I am glad I took the risk here to be vulnerable today. I know very well how difficult it is to take care of a parent. It sounds like you are finding gifts along the way on that difficult journey too.

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  8. Courtney,you and your hubby have raised your boys to the best of your ability, and truly sounds like you've done a great job. Tis hard letting go, and yet your boys and you will always be in each other's hearts. I'm sure Dax is thinking of you as much as you're thinking of him. Faith/trust in God on this pursuit of his. Re books - last year this time I read a 300 page book on Eliza Hamilton, which I truly enjoyed. Last month finished reading a 625 page book on her with more detail. Couldn't put either book down! And what I think is pretty cool is I was born 100 years after her death (11/09/1854). Recently read, blogger's KariAnne Wood's AMAZING, which I would compare to the Chicken Soup for the Soul type of reading. I've also read WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING, which was another great read.

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    1. Thank you! And Crawdads has become one of my favorite reads of all time. I will check out Eliza Hamilton - that is a new one to me.

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  9. What a beautifully written post, and what a wonderful perspective it offers to moms of older kids (I have one in grad school, one in college, and two at home in HS). I think women like us, who delight in the comforts of home and the traditions of each season find it particularly painful to "let go." At least this is true in my case. I miss my two oldest kids the minute they walk out the door! I truly enjoyed having everyone here during the earlier months of the Pandemic (mine have all returned to school in person or to a dorm online) and I find myself dreading being an empty-nester in the future. However, I also believe women find joy in each new season, and so, slowly, and maybe not at all times, we will learn to adjust to yet another new normal of motherhood, the letting go. Thanks for posting this. It is so good, during this time of isolation, to know that there are others out there going through a lot of the same feelings, emotions, changes, and worries. Your blog and Instagram posts are a true blessing to me and I am grateful. BTW, your new desk looks divine! I have one in my room too, but my husband, who has been working from home since March, has laid claim to it, so it's not quite as welcoming as yours:)

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words, Lisa! They make the work I share here and on Instagram matter more and I am grateful for that. Find another corner in the house for your desk! There is such a great feeling that comes from having your own little space! I can't believe I didn't realize that sooner in the pandemic.

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  10. Hi Courtney. Oh its hard when our kids begin to fly away from the nest and start their life journey. I think this is the hardest part of being a parent. We dream of what they might be when they are little and then they arrive there and we worry with their choices. Have faith that with your son being happy in pursuing his path in life that happiness he feels will help you accept all of what he is faced with on his journey. We certainly live in a time when things do not always feel safe and I sit and ponder sometimes what kind of world my little grand girls will have when it is their turn to start their life journeys. I just have to have faith that we will overcome the obstacles we are facing now and things will get better. I know that feeling of letting go and thinking about how much easier it was when they were little and we could protect them more and control their world a little better. You and Billy have done so well with raising your boys. Even with the struggles and uncertainties they are facing you have given them such a good base. They know you are always going to be there for them no matter what and that will help them so much. jI hope by you posting today you will be able to find support from other mom's facing what you are with having a son join in the military. He is a handsome guy so not only is he starting his career he might just be bringing home a new girlfriend soon too. Life goes on at such a fast pace. Big Hugs.

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    1. Kris, you know because I have told you before, but you are truly one of the greatest gifts that this blog has brought me. And I know you are that for so many others in our little neighborhood on the internet too. I am grateful. PS: He has a wonderful girlfriend and she is missing him terribly too and she and I have been able to support each other during this time. There are so many gifts along the way, aren't there? xoxo

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  11. You’re both growing in new seasons in life. It sounds like he values his parents wisdom, and therefore honors you with that application of all he has learned. Good job mom and dad...he will find his way home, it clearly means so much to all your sons. God’s plans for our kids is sometimes hard to fathom...we can rest in Him knowing He does ALL things well. Watching God work in our kids lives is a joy, but bittersweet too. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not unto your own understanding...in all your WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE him and He will make straight your path. God goes before us, and behind us. He oversees our children when we can’t be with them. Take heart...He is good. 🙏🏻❤️

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  12. Being a mom is hard sometimes....I know you miss your son so much! How proud you must be of your boys! Sending love and a BIG hug your way, Courtney!

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